Honesty as a Tool for Finding High-Compatibility Friends
I find that it’s easier to tell close friends the truth than it is to speak the truth to acquaintances and strangers.
With strangers, the risks of honesty are high.
You might share an opinion that the stranger adamantly disagrees with, causing the conversation to become awkward or tense. Or perhaps you’ll reveal an interest that the stranger thinks is weird, and they’ll judge you.
To avoid the awkwardness and judgment of strangers, most people aim for a universally appealing first impression, whether or not that first impression conveys who they really are.
This strategy creates a network of shallow friendships. You’ll come off as inoffensive, so no one will dislike you…but you’re also hiding your true self, so you’re unlikely to find people who really love you for you.
I played it safe socially for most of my life, casting a wide and shallow net.
A few years ago, through pure luck, I made a deep connection out of thin air. I stood behind a stranger in a cafeteria line, and we chatted for a few minutes while we were waiting for our food. I don’t remember what we talked about, but I knew I liked him within 5 minutes (and he knew the same). We became Facebook official within 2 weeks and dated for six years.
Before that interaction, I wouldn’t have considered myself romantic. But meeting Patrick made me believe not quite in love-at-first-sight, but at least in love-at-first-meeting.
Falling in love made me see the paleness of some of my other ‘safer’ friendships, and it was a turning point towards me seeking more fulfilling friendships in my life.
One high-compatibility friendship (or relationship) is far more hilarious, awe-inspiring, insightful, and delightful than several semi-compatible friendships.
Since I started focusing on being uncommonly honesty about who I am and what I believe, my ability to find people who I share a lot in common with has improved. When it comes to friendships, I believe in connect-at-first-meeting. I’ll meet someone and be openly and honestly myself, and sometimes that can result in fast friendships.
Even upon first meeting someone, I skip the small talk and go straight to what I’m actually thinking about. This has resulted in conversations about IQ research, heartbreak, psychedelics, futurism, favorite podcasts, and graffiti, among other things.
When deep connections can happen quickly, at any time, with any person, my days feel exciting and intriguing.